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DreamingMerchant

The Masses Converge.
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Winner Winner

4 min read
I have been through a lot since I was last on my page. 
Between working seven days a week, eight hours a day. I've also been very sick, the worst of which I am struggling with is pain and the fact that I feel like I need to be sleeping constantly. This is not a good combination when you have a heap of University work that needs to be completed. 

I have however managed to keep a fairly steady relationship going for the past seven months. It looks like I may be getting a very lovely ring to sit on my finger! 
He loves me for me, and I've said this before but now I actually realised what it means. I have never felt true love until I met him.
I've also never met someone that when they stuff up my heart breaks into a million pieces and he has to spend the next ten days picking them up and gluing them back together. 

His heart is in the right place, and he works harder than anyone ever has to keep me. He knows I'm as consistent as the butterfly. I go where I please, I do what I please and I really take little into account with anyone but myself. Maybe I'm more like a cat? 

He loves my independence however and gives me the space I need to create, inspire and build my creations and my confidence. 

I am however at a loss as too what I want at the moment. I am in pain, 90% of the time and the other 10% I'm waiting for the pain to come back. Not the life I want, or need. So I need to figure something out before I end up spiraling into a hole of depression that so easily opens itself inside me. 

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Patience

4 min read
I feel like I have forever waited to become this person I am today. 
How often have I screamed into my pillow and cried at the stars hoping for something to break so that I can escape this life into a different reality. 

I wanted to recreate who I was. Now I am exactly the person I need to be, I didn't see it before, I thought that I wanted something that only hurt me. Now I realise that the hurt I was feeling was only my heart telling me everything was wrong with the road I was walking down. 

Not only have I found my heart, not in someone else but in myself. I have found myself, I love myself, I love who I am and who I am working to be. 
I want to change the world, with my kindness, my energy and my art. I want to bring a new sense of understanding to those that feel the need to change who they are for others. 

I broke those walls that held me for so long, I am sitting in the rubble and trying to move on. No longer am I governed by a man, my soul is my own, my actions are my own and my heart? Well.. it belongs to me, that I will not give away so freely next time. 

~ Dreaming Merchant. 

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Where am I at?

2 min read
Well, I haven't updated anything in ages so here I am and I hope you guys don't all hate me for my lack of communication with you all. 
What's been happening in my world? A lot, I lost my job, which was no fault of my own but it lands squarely on my ex boss's shoulders. It was a hard fight for 9 weeks with him to get me put back on the roster only for me to end up quitting because he put me on graveyard shifts to spite me. Thats okay, I'm a fighter, with little under a dollar in my bank account I managed to secure another job, pay for fuel by face painting on weekends and finally got my first paycheck! 

I am now saving up to get my car fixed, to get my hair done and to buy some new paints. I feel like I've been living in the dark ages for months, money is now a precious commodity that doesn't get spent on anything now other than rent and fuel... Not even spending money on food.
Hence why I no longer have a premium membership to deviantart. As I would love to have all those extra features it is now impossible for me to afford.

Plus I am now doing a sewing course for my degree, so I've been sewing like a mad woman, reading shakespeare and learning all about food safety. Odd mix yes?

I want to know how you guys are all going? I've uploaded a couple of new pieces, fan art of fruits basket. So if you have any requests let me know and I'll try and get around to them <3

Dreaming Merchant.  

Oh and I now have glasses! Have to wear them when I'm drawing, I love them and hate them at the same time.
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Cracking.

3 min read
Let you know what's happening? 

Okay, so besides my health issues at the moment, carpal tunnel in my drawing hand and constantly being run down so I catch every bug going. I've been to 3 different doctors now, and had about 40 appointments over the past year. Nothing is working, so I'm trying something that is so simple yet seems so effective, changing my diet and lifestyle. EXERCISE! WOOOoooHHH.. And you know what, vegetables are actually pretty exciting. So from now on, no sugars (except natural. eg. Fruit), yeast products, processed foods or diet/ fizzy drinks. I'm also trying to stay away from all juices that I don't make myself. I sound crazy right? Well trust me, its slowly working, other than bombing my body with good food, I'm also spraying down plenty of vitamins and supplements. Diatomaceous Earth anyone? 
I might sound like a hippy, I know but honestly I'm so over this constant sickness that I need to do something radical just to get a hold of my own body again. There is nothing worse than trying to live your life while feeling constantly handicapped. Not to mention being on medication that makes you feel better in one area but sicker in another. NO to medication! I'm sick of it! 

I'm throwing away the medical handbook, no more drugs, no more being scoffed at by doctors because they have no idea what I'm going through, I'm sick of being poked, prodded or cut, so they can do more and more tests. 

On top of this I have a wedding coming up that will have my ex boyfriend and his now wife present. I am currently without a working car and because I've been sick my bank account is looking like its having a sick day as well. Stress Stress Stress. 

With all of this and more I have also had family issues, which despite everything seem to be somewhat resolved now. However the fallout is still present and has left everyone very much on edge, myself included. This all being said, I have done a couple of paintings, mainly traditional and my fan base around the local area has expanded. I am loving the commissions coming in, however with my hand the way it is, they are taking a lot longer than expected. 

Peace out 

~ Dreaming Merchant <3 
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Missing DA?

3 min read
Sorry everyone for completely neglecting my DA account, my FB account and just art in general. 
It wasn't done intentionally I promise. I will be honest with you, I've been put off my art a little due to someone who is actually related to me calling "bullshit" on my artwork. Why? Because he didn't believe I had the talent to do it. .. Which is strange considering my art is hanging all over the house (on canvas.. with acrylic?).. 

This was a blow to my confidence (a large one), I was questioning why should I be on here, uploading art with all these other great artists when its just a hobby for me? I'll never be famous, I'll never sell my art to "fans". I'm not a good enough original painter, I don't feel I have the talent to make my mark on the artistic community. 

I have slowly been rebuilding my confidence through sketching, painting and generally small things that we usually ignore. Just practicing. Which you know, I have sooo many people compliment me on my art, I cannot tell you how much that means to me, yet one negative comment and I'm left feeling defeated? 

I have also been through a bit when it comes to relationships, not only have I been single for a few months now (which has been awesome) but I have also met someone. Who mind you is having to work really hard just to keep me interested. He is lovely, but I feel detached, I'm not interested, I know all the pretty words and gestures, I know those sentences that guys weave together to get you close. I'm not an idiot, I see it, I am sick of the "I love yous" and the "you are so beautiful" bullshit. 

I want flowers, I want the guy to make an effort with my family, I want him to treat me like a princess, because quite frankly I am. I'm nice, I am funny, smart, beautiful and talented. Never again am I going to doubt this. I have standards and morals. I have a family that care about me and parents that will forever protect me. 
Mainly I just want someone who will respect me and what I ask of them. So far he has lived up to my expectations. We shall see if further heartache will ensue or if I will be once again jumping off the deep end way to fast for my own good. 

<3 Dreaming Merchant. 
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Featured

Winner Winner by DreamingMerchant, journal

Patience by DreamingMerchant, journal

Where am I at? by DreamingMerchant, journal

Cracking. by DreamingMerchant, journal

Missing DA? by DreamingMerchant, journal